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How do you use the purple thing?

How do you use the purple thing?

The purple thing is a mysterious object that has baffled many over the years. While its exact purpose and origins remain unknown, some key facts have emerged about how to properly use and care for the enigmatic purple thing.

Identifying the Purple Thing

The first step in learning how to use the purple thing is to ensure you actually have the correct item. There are many purple objects out there, so make sure yours matches the following description:

  • Egg-shaped and smooth, fitting in the palm of your hand
  • Weighs approximately 5 ounces
  • Deep purple color with no variations
  • Made of an unknown, lightweight metallic material
  • Has three small indentations on one side

If your purple object does not match this description exactly, then it is not the genuine purple thing and this guide will not apply to it.

Activating the Purple Thing

Once you have confirmed your purple thing is legitimate, the next step is learning how to turn it on. This is done through a series of intricate motions:

  1. Holding the purple thing upright in your dominant hand, gently stroke the smooth surface three times.
  2. Turn the purple thing upside down and shake lightly two times.
  3. Rub the three indentations on the side simultaneously for approximately 5 seconds.
  4. Roll the purple thing between your palms quickly ten times, reversing direction halfway through.
  5. Toss the purple thing lightly in the air about 6 inches and catch it.

When done properly, the purple thing will begin to emit a faint humming noise and the indentations will glow slightly. This indicates it is activated.

Functions of the Activated Purple Thing

Now that your purple thing is on, you’ll want to utilize its range of capabilities. Be advised that overuse can cause the purple thing to overheat and deactivate for several hours.

  • Levitation – Hold near small objects and concentrate to make them float for short periods. Works best on items weighing less than 3 pounds.
  • Food detection – Point at any food or drink while pressing the front indentation. If it’s safe to eat, the purple thing will vibrate once. No vibration means it’s spoiled or toxic.
  • Energy pulse – Rapidly shake the purple thing to release a burst of energy capable of charging small devices.
  • Temperature regulation – Roll between palms to lower or raise the temperature within a 3 foot radius.
  • Night light – Squeeze gently for 30 seconds to illuminate the purple thing and surroundings.

These are just a few known capabilities of the activated purple thing. Additional powers likely remain undiscovered.

Maintenance and Care

To keep your purple thing running optimally, be sure to follow these care instructions:

  • Wipe clean twice per week with a soft cloth.
  • Store in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight.
  • Avoid submerging in liquids.
  • Do not leave unattended around children or pets.
  • Recharge in moonlight for 8 hours monthly.

Additionally, the purple thing’s metal surface may oxidize over significant time, indicated by light scratches or scuffs. Gently buffing with a toothbrush and baking soda paste will restore its shine.

Troubleshooting Issues

In some cases, your purple thing may malfunction or work inconsistently. Try these troubleshooting tips:

Issue Solution
Won’t activate Repeat activation steps precisely. Check indentations for blockages.
Powers seem weak Recharge in moonlight for 8-12 hours.
Odor emits when shaken Wipe thoroughly inside indentations to remove debris.
Strange noises Gently strike purple thing 3 times on soft surface to reset.

If problems persist beyond basic troubleshooting, you may need to locate the purple thing’s original manufacturer for repairs.

Ethical Usage

Along with understanding how to use the purple thing, it’s vitally important to use it responsibly. While fun, the purple thing’s powers can be dangerous if mishandled. Follow these guidelines:

  • Only use for peaceful purposes, not harm.
  • Do not manipulate others’ thoughts/emotions.
  • Respect privacy; do not spy on unknowing subjects.
  • Keep secret from those who would misuse it.
  • Do not tamper with timelines or past events.

Staying ethical preserves the purple thing’s integrity and your moral standards. If tempted to stray, reflect carefully before acting.


The purple thing remains a bit of a mystery even to those who use it regularly. However, following this guide provides the essential tips for identifying your purple thing, activating it, utilizing its powers, caring for it, troubleshooting problems, and using it ethically. Study these pointers closely and always approach the purple thing with curiosity, caution and conscientiousness.

While not everything about the purple thing is understood yet, the future promises more discoveries for those who befriend this quirky and powerful object. With patience and proper handling, you’ll unlock its magic and forge a lifelong bond with your purple thing.